i often write notes or blog posts when i am sad and depressed. rarely did i express my extreme happiness through lengthy paragraphs only to tell 'i am happy'. a friend once asked using his status why does the world have so many sad love songs than the happy ones. i answered deliberately, "because when we are happy, we smile. we laugh. we jump for joy. and it is, more often than not, enough. but with sadness.. we weep. we cry. we scream. we weep some more. but it never suffice the feeling of being totally expressed. that's where poetry and music comes in. with heart-crushing lines and eye-welling melodies, our feelings are at least a little vented." whether people agree or not, i couldn't care less.
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| pounding each key. |
i often write notes or blog posts when i am sad...and depressed.
meeting people should be something that never possesses grave disadvantages. it should be something we are grateful about because when you meet people, you learn. there's nothing more fun than learning, right? and i should know that. but some people are just not that fun to meet, to have knowledge of, to encounter, and to remember. it isn't nice to say (but i'll say it anyway) that i've felt gratefully meeting a person in such a time when i was nearly total guardless only to find out that he's aiming for the same spot where i was mortally injured. or perhaps, he's not another blade on my wound but rather a squeeze of lime upon it—a thing that creates a whole new level of pain. which makes it even harder to forget.
yes, i haven't forgotten YET (and i wish i have!). when a person knows how to be the biggest jerk of your life and acts it out very well, believe me, that person's memory is harder to erase. however, i wouldn't want to seek a help from another person just to show the desperate move to go on. i may have done that beofre. but no way now. never. i don't think it is wise to conceal a fresh wound with a pretentious unsterile bandage. if there is anything that will make me heal, it should be something from me. in line with that, i came up with a great plan. that is to do the exact opposite of what he's good at: loving someone truthfully, unselfishly, and unratedly; to love another human being without the idea of label and level.
these thoughts are overdued and should've been expressed long before it fossilized. this note should have been posted months ago. but since there are no such thing as right time...then maybe, not.
